why me?????????

See....talk about coincidence...it so happens that everytime i try to go to the bathroom that's when mamaz call me..(not the ones that call just to say hi..the ones that keep you on the phone for atleast an hour)...and i'm not talking about number 1.. so i'm alway there trying to harakisha her so that i can go do my thing....so i resolved to do my thing while i'm on the phone with whoever. problem comes when i finish before the conversation is over...then comes the dilemma do i tell them to hold while i flush (coz i don't want her to know what i'm doing) ama just sit there for i don't know how long until she get's off the damn phone????(don't bother telling me what to do coz i ain't doing that shit no more)
The other day i was on my regular harakati of talking while taking a shit.. i had just bought this cool expensive phone...being the kind of jamaa that doesn't loose things, i didn't see the need to buy insurance for the damn thing(fuck me!!!!)it so happens that that was the day shit was all going wrong for me.
i had just asked my friend to loan me his sleek ass car that night..(had to impress this new kachic i had asked out)....why lie i hadn't gotten laid in a while, my balls were hanging like i had elphantisis on the nuts...anyway i pick up the car and start driving to the chics house, excited that that streak of not having any was about to end..running kinda late started speeding to get there. should have listened to my uncle when he told me there is nothing worth rushing to, but this was an emergency. as soon as i hit the highway i get pulled over...that's when i found out that a darkie, with a funny accent, driving a sleek moti that's not registered under his name don't go hand in hand. fuck that shithole cop kept me there for 45minutes trying to verify i didn't sanya this moti. so i call the kachic and tell her i'll be running late kidogo.(do you know how long 45minutes is when you haven't had any in a while???????)...the cop lets me go after all that with a $400 ticket. by now the traffic has started to pile up so i take an alternate route. was surprised there were no cars on that route, so i speed up. i went over some train tracks with a huge pothole by the time i landed after hitting it, the tires on my left side(both front and back) bust....fuck me three times!!!! what the hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!time to call AAA..i knew i should have gotten AAA plus but shit for brains me forgot to upgrade. AAA shows up an hour later as usual so i tow the car to some garage my friend told me to take it to and left the car outside the shop. i get a cab home called it a night.fuck!!!
As soon as i get home the kachic calls me....that's when i was about to go the the bathroom and take a shit.. so i sit on the bowl start doing my thing while explaining to her why I stood her up. I get done doing my thing and tell her to hold kidogo..put the phone on the sink, wiped, washed my hands....i reach for the phone to press hold so that i can flush and accidentally hit it into the bowl...NOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! the funny thing is that the phone doesn't turn off immediately, it's still blinking...and i can hear her on the other end...now do i reach in and take the phone? ama just flush and hope everything but the phone goes in? i decide to do the latter. fuck me once again the phone goes...that shit cost me a fortune and now it's gone bila insurance...what did i ever do to deserve this?
so i go to bed feeling worse than a constipated elephant (oh yeah look up the phase, it does exist)... just to be worken up by my roomate at six in the morning that i have a phone call from my friend telling me the shop guys called and the car has been broken into outside the shop.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TWO RIMS, TWO TIRES, AND A REAR WINDOW COST ON A LEXUS?????????????

So here i am broke a hell, with a $400 dollar ticket left to pay and the points and insurance hike that comes with it. no phone.. and my balls are still the size of two jupiters....

SO I ASK WHY ME?????????????